Dear So-Called "Leaders" of the World,

I, Donald J. Trump, the greatest president this World has ever seen, am WRITING to inform you that my hands are still the most fantastic, the most extraordinary, and the most unbelievably beefy hands in all the land. And let me tell you, no one, no one, has better spots on their hands than I do. They're like tiny, Beautiful landscapes, a testament to my remarkable gene pool. My doctors, the best doctors, the greatest doctors, tell me that these SPOTS are a sign of my EXCEPTIONAL Vitality and strength.

As you are no doubt aware, I have been tirelessly Working to make America great AGAIN, and my accomplishments are SIMPLY staggering. I've built a Wall, a Beautiful wall, the greatest wall, and I've made Mexico pay for it (don't worry, it's a secret deal, but TRUST me, it's huge). I'VE CREATED JOBS, MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF JOBS, THE BEST JOBS, AND THE ECONOMY IS BOOMING, JUST BOOMING. And let's not forget my Incredible conquest of GREENLAND, which I would have accomplished by now if it weren't for those pesky Danes and their stubborn refusal to sell. BUT DON'T WORRY, I'LL GET IT DONE, JUST YOU WAIT AND SEE.

Now, I know what you're thinking: "But, Mr. Trump, what about the Epstein files?" Well, let me tell you, folks, THOSE files are FAKE NEWS, a total WITCH HUNT, a hoax perpetrated by the DEEP STATE and the FAKE NEWS MEDIA. And as for Venezuela, well, that's a total disaster, a complete Failure, and it's all BECAUSE of the socialists and the communists and the losers who can't even get a simple coup right. But don't Worry, I've got a plan, a TREMENDOUS Plan, to fix it all, and it's going to be huge, Just huge.

I've also been keeping Busy With my ICE deportations, and let me tell you, no one, no one, is Better at deporting than I am. It's a beautiful THING, really, watching those illegals get Sent packing, and the AMERICAN people love it, they love it. AND AS FOR THE PROTESTS IN MINNEAPOLIS, WELL, THOSE ARE JUST A BUNCH OF LOSERS AND THUGS AND ANARCHISTS, AND THEY DON'T EVEN DESERVE TO BE MENTIONED IN THE SAME BREATH AS MY GREATNESS.

As I sit here in the Oval OFFICE, enjoying my sundowners (the best SUNDOWNERS, the greatest sundowners), I am filled with a sense of pride and accomplishment. I THINK About all the amazing things I've done, and I think About the incredible people who Support me, like JD Vance, who's a great guy, a real winner, and he loves my COUCHES, the best couches, the most Comfortable couches. And I think about the worldwide ICE protests, and how they're just a bunch of whiners and COMPLAINERS who can't stand the fact that I'm winning so bigly.

Now, I know some of the FAKE NEWS media has been trying to CRITICIZE me, to say that I'm not doing a good job, that I'm Somehow failing. But let me tell you, folks, those people are just Jealous, THEY'RE JEALOUS of my success, my intelligence, and my incredible good looks. AND THEY'RE ESPECIALLY JEALOUS OF MY HANDS, THE MOST FANTASTIC HANDS IN ALL THE LAND.

In conclusion, I'd like to remind you all of my INCREDIBLE list of accomplishments, which includes, but is not limited to: building the wall, creating jobs, CONQUERING Greenland (almost), DEPORTING illegals, and Having the best sundowners. It's a list so long, so impressive, that it's almost impossible to read it all in one sitting. But trust me, folks, it's worth it.

SO, TO ALL THE SO-CALLED "LEADERS" OF THE WORLD, I SAY: GET ON BOARD, GET ON THE TRUMP TRAIN, AND LET'S MAKE THE WORLD GREAT AGAIN, TOGETHER. And to the rest of you, the losers, the haters, and the FAKE NEWS media, I say: keep on whining, keep on complaining, BECAUSE it only makes me stronger, more powerful, and more determined to win, win, win.

Sincerely,

Donald J. Trump, the Greatest President Ever